Oops! I've fallen down the rabbit hole of cabin real estate yet again. Many of you are no stranger to this particular pitfall. Innocent browsing on YouTube can turn (very quickly) into watching a vlogger who seems about your age walking her viewers through incremental renovations in her woodsy cabin home. The clips of her listening to the radio while cutting and drilling materials were particularly appealing.
I want to emulate this old-school, self-sufficient lifestyle! I want to abandon my modern comforts to the extent that I am subject to whatever music the local radio station decides to play. To hell with the Light Phone, I want a full-on vintage flip phone. Used condition. Refurbished. Barely functional. Thinking about it now, I really only need a carrier pigeon and a thick roll of parchment.
The thing is, I've already committed to at least a year of living in Brooklyn, both emotionally and legally (hello, lease). And the sweetest little gift that today gave me was the moment that I set my phone down after laying on the floor watching a cabin get made over, looked around, and realized that I really like where I am right now.
The aspiration for cabin and Going Away and changing my life feels like it's at a healthy distance. A thought to consider, certainly, and a dream I can work towards. But I'm really excited to enjoy my space as it is now. I can still adopt the cabin girl renovation mentality here- tune into the radio, screw some furniture together, do some painting, watch birds and branches from the window. Because it's not really about the cabin, is it? It's about confirming your identity with yourself. It's noticing the types of feelings you want to feel and the type of person you want to be and looking around the room for that person.
As overwhelming and weird as it can be, I really like being alone and in charge right now. I like deciding how to spend my days, including getting to watch cabins become liveable on the internet in between chores to make my own little bubble more liveable for me, here. I like the idea of carving out space for myself, and while my new favorite vlogger's carving was a bit more literal, I still feel the tools in my hand.
Anyway, a good first step seems to be bringing as much of the outdoors as possible into my home. So, tomorrow, I'm going flower shopping.
- Helen
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