On the evening of February 9, I put my phone face down in a huff and proceeded to take up a full page of my journal drawing in angry bubble lettering, “IF I SEE ONE MORE BLOCK OF FETA ON THE INTERNET I WILL LOSE MY MIND.” Why is this seemingly innocuous yet seriously viral pasta recipe the thing that has driven me over the proverbial edge? Why not (for example) those fifteen seconds of The Bachelor where Anna uses all 32 of her blindingly white teeth to accuse Brittany of “entertaining men for money”?
Maybe God (my deity du jour is Billy Porter in his most regal of gowns, fanning himself in the clouds as he judges my weird habits from on high) really does work in mysterious ways. Maybe this is His way of calling me back, of driving me to the breaking point so that I have no choice but to give up even the cutest TikToks in the name of mental tranquility. Being a Non-Religious, the forty days is pretty arbitrary, at this point. But Jesus (sorry), I need a break. Please, algorithm pantheon, deliver me from this olive-oil-drizzled hell I am trapped in!
Because, let’s face it, for every “aw, nice,” or “haha, funny,” we glean from the Internet, there are a hundred more “God, I hate this”-es. I don’t Like it here! So, I’m using my vaguely Catholic upbringing as an excuse to peace out on this mess. At least temporarily. Call it an ecclesial cleanse.
Besides, there’s so much else to distract me on the internet than social media. Just last night I spent at least an hour blurring through real estate in the Catskills and researching the pet policy on the ferries between Norway and Scotland. I can get carried away with my own stuff, thank you, I don’t need the same ten sound bites on repeat in my head for hours at a time. Without the addictive cycle of other people’s noise, I’ll have more room for my own cycle of nonsense.
As I embark on this highly arbitrary quest, I can only hope that I emerge from the next forty days better than when I entered it. Will I fall back into the same social media blur loop within a week after Easter? Most likely. However, will I miss allowing baked cheese that I can’t even eat to take up so much of my brain space? Definitely not.
-Helen
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