Lo Fi Girl Makes Me Wish I Had Work To Do

Just to make sure we are on the same page, I am absolutely still unemployed. I coasted hard last year on the fact that I was a full-time grad student and also enduring a pandemic with the rest of us. And now, I am still technically a full-time grad student, only I'm in my third month of summer break and I find myself craving a good study session more and more frequently. I'm just sort of... here. Every now and then I remember that there actually are things I want to work on (hey guys!) and enjoy a little kick of whatever neurochemical fires when you make stuff and learn things.

I know that within a month of school starting up again, I will kick myself for daring to suggest that I would please like more work to do. But, then again, the last time I was doing school stuff, I didn't know about Lofi Girl. Now, it's as though I have a secret booster all packed, ready to elevate my studying time to previously unknown heights. The hour-long ambience tracks, plus the wildly calming images that accompany the music, make me want a dual monitor. And a bigger desk. And, like, tons of papers to write. 

Is this the academic equivalent of really effective advertising? "Hey, look at this problem you have that we invented! We can also help you solve it!" But if the solution is learning and contributing to good efforts, that's much better than any targeted ad. 

Farley's After Close - John Vias

Maybe this is all an indication that I have had enough time away from the big books that I am able to romanticize the whole experience once more. That's what distance does, right? From a distance, most things either look much better or much worse than they actually are. I don't mean this to be cynical- I think it's important to have distance. It gives my brain a chance to empty out, and the fantasies and aspirations that are left in my mental colander are the ones I know to spend more time on when the opportunity comes around again. 

And maybe, actually, the "opportunity" itself is a myth. Maybe waiting for things to start or stop is one of those bugs in human programming that we have to keep trying to repair. Maybe we need to start something, anything, whenever the inspiration strikes. If I like the ambient internet sounds so much, surely I can find something to do while I let them play in the background. Because who wants to wait for an excuse to do things they like? Couldn't be me. 

- Helen